Worry for what?

I got to teach last year at a public high school. I loved it! It felt like I was finally using all the knowledge I’ve acquired over the years in music to young people. So in order to teach the following school year, I had to take two Praxis exams and pass them both before June 30. Well, due to various reasons, I put it off and ended up having to take them kind of late. The score for the first test was given to me after the June 30 deadline and the score for the second test was given to me A MONTH after it was due! I was so worried about this! I felt so guilty for being so bad at following the deadline requirement that I apologized multiple times to my bosses, I prayed so much about the whole situation, and I was genuinely worried that it was not going to work out. I was thinking that they were looking for someone else behind my back and that I was not going to get to teach this coming year.

Once I got the results from my second test and forwarded the results to them, they basically replied right away and said I have the job! Just like that! I realized that I was worried for nothing. I worry way too much. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while now but can still improve on. The “worry” doesn’t change anything. Regardless of whether they did or did not rehire me, it still ended up not really making much of a difference in the outcome. The worry does not influence it. It’s such a weird human thing to go through, I think. As though we think we need to do it in order to show we care or something. I’m not sure. It’s annoying to realize that it really doesn’t do much…or anything really.

It's just stuff

I’ve been interested in watching videos about the obsession with stuff. We all suffer from it. Myself included. Could just be a result of living the American life. Being in a place where we are subject to 10,000 advertisements every day. Even just being out an about and noticing the decal on a car, that’s an advertisement. Buying more and more stuff seems to be a way that Americans think they can be happy. Then you get that stuff and the specialness of it dies away. What then? After that, it seems like it’s not so special.

I’m thankful for the place I’ve gotten to in the last couple years. I just decided that I wasn’t going to buy anymore. Sure, I did get a couple new pairs of shoes for work since my day job is so much about walking around all the time (I once logged in 14,000 steps in a single shift and I assume that’s an average) but other than that, I’m thankful that I’ve got into a minimalist standpoint where I’m getting rid of stuff a little at a time, but more importantly, not constantly adding to it.

I hear a lot about people wanting to do something for themselves, where they want time to themselves, so they go shopping. IT’S JUST MORE STUFF! As a drummer, this would be very easy for me to do if I just decide I’m not happy with my setup anymore or want to add some tasty little new thing to it….. A new cymbal, new heads, a new snare drum, a new mic, blah blah blah. I’m more interested in just being a better musician/drummer. That’s something that doesn’t cost me anything to invest in other than time. I don’t need more stuff! I need more time and motivation to sit at the drum kit to just get better anyway.