Worry for what?

I got to teach last year at a public high school. I loved it! It felt like I was finally using all the knowledge I’ve acquired over the years in music to young people. So in order to teach the following school year, I had to take two Praxis exams and pass them both before June 30. Well, due to various reasons, I put it off and ended up having to take them kind of late. The score for the first test was given to me after the June 30 deadline and the score for the second test was given to me A MONTH after it was due! I was so worried about this! I felt so guilty for being so bad at following the deadline requirement that I apologized multiple times to my bosses, I prayed so much about the whole situation, and I was genuinely worried that it was not going to work out. I was thinking that they were looking for someone else behind my back and that I was not going to get to teach this coming year.

Once I got the results from my second test and forwarded the results to them, they basically replied right away and said I have the job! Just like that! I realized that I was worried for nothing. I worry way too much. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while now but can still improve on. The “worry” doesn’t change anything. Regardless of whether they did or did not rehire me, it still ended up not really making much of a difference in the outcome. The worry does not influence it. It’s such a weird human thing to go through, I think. As though we think we need to do it in order to show we care or something. I’m not sure. It’s annoying to realize that it really doesn’t do much…or anything really.